Ahh Vitamin R

Its not a common occurance that I post twice in one day.  As well, the subject of today's second post is personal, and might piss off my parents who read this as well as the rest of you.  If you see here, this is what I am talking about.  In short, the Social construct theory of ADHD. 

I agree, wholeheartedly, with this... well, its basically an original research essay.  Which has no place on Wiki, but thats neither here nor there.  Specifically, individual aspects of this article strike me at my heart.  But let me give you a quick and dirty background regarding how I came to be one of the first guinea pigs on Vitamin R... and how, in high school, I pretty much singlehandedly proplegated Ritalin abuse's humble beginnings. 

It all started, as things usually do, with getting in trouble  I stole shit as a middle schooler.  It wasnt that I needed the stuff, it wasnt even that I wanted half the crap that I ended up with.  It was the thrill, the excitement, and the adventure.  I remember that one time I actually hid in a friggin locker while some highschoolers walked past.  They then stood there, talking, for what seemed like an eternity.  I started off poking around inside open lockers while waiting for my dad to pick me up after school.  It was more inquisitiveness than kelptomania.  I found a CD here, and a really nice pen there.  Eventually, I started taking the things.  My reasoning being... well, hell.  The dumbasses left their lockers open.  It was bound to happen eventually, why not take it?  One day I found a CD player.  I took it.  I wasnt a very smart cookie back then.  I took it with me on a vacation.  My parents were a little confused, specifically because back in 1996, these things were expensive, and they sure as hell didnt give it to me.  They let it slide.  I gave them some BS that a friend had given it to me.  While in Naples, we took a bus tour of the giant volcano, and I feigned sleepyness to let me stay on the bus and rumage around stuff.  I didnt have any intention on taking anything, but then I saw a tape player and a cool tape.  Why not? I figured stupidly.  Un fucking fortunately, my ma came back to the bus early, saw me take it.. and well.  It gets teary and blurry after that. 

Fast forward a couple of weeks to me sitting in at a meeting with my parents, the principal and one of the school's counselors... who to this day makes me want to seek him out and beat his face in.  Probably not the most healthy of mental responses when remembering a person from one's past... but really.  This guy should have never gone into education.  Ever.  He was mean, rude, cruel, and I'm pretty sure would have abused me if I'd stayed in his pressence for too long.  Hell, I have so much of that crap blocked out, for all I know he did.  I'm not kidding with this shit.  Anyway.  Eventually, someone mentioned a shrink.  I went to said shrink and low and behold! I became diagnosed with ADD.  But not ADHD because, of course, I wasnt hyperactive.  I think today they've since gotten rid of ADD and upgraded everyone to ADHD.  I was put on riatlin.  10mg.  Ma said I had a learning disorder.  I immediately was sceptical of this newfound illness.  Especially since, whenever there was a fight between me and my parents, they'd immediatly scream (on more than one occasion), "Did you take your damn pill today?"  So... of course, this was going badly.  Maybe not for them... but I believed I was fine.  For the first two years I was actually monitored to make sure I took this medication.  If I didnt show up at the nurses' station, they'd call for me to come down.  They'd watch me take it, and then demand that I open my mouth to prove I had.  Every morning I took it... parents made sure of that.  So, until I moved to Korea, this was my daily life.

I stopped taking ritalin on a daily basis, unbeknowest to my parents, in the beginning of 9th grade.  My new shrink was a nice guy.  Very cool dude.  But in a meeting 'tween he and my parents, they decided to put me on that Ritalin SR crap that was suspended release and up to 20mg.  This was so I wouldnt have to stop at the nurses's station anymore.  I was stoned.  Stoned!!  Completely out of it.  Eventually, that experimentation stopped.  But I got a taste for something yummy.  During one of my monthly sessions with the doc, he was out, and I complained to the lady who was in for him that I had actually thought about hurting myself.  And not in an angsty teenager way either.  In a definitive, "this fucking sucks" way.  She said, "Meh... it happens" and sent me on my way.  It was at this point that I made the conscious decision to take myself off of this horrible medication.  And I did.  And ya know what?  No one noticed!

There was one minor slip up... what to do with all these damn pills that werent being taken!  Well... I'll tell you what.  I quickly became one of the most kick ass people at school!  Yep.  What I'm telling you is right.  I sold it, traded it, abused it, did everything with it except take it for its intended purpose.  I never actually took the pills, and sold it for cash.  No.  I had to draw a line somewhere, right?  I would actually trade a pill here or a pill there for a cigarette.  (No, I dont smoke anymore.  It was the cool thing to do, and I was a badass and had a reputation to uphold damnit.  You tell me how kick ass you look with a nice Newport between your black nailpolished fingers?)  On the rare occasion that I did take it, it was in copious amounts, and mostly intended for me to just block out everything that was going on.  Specifically the fun teen drama crap that generally comes with having your first sexual experience and people moving away and gossip.  I would take anywhere from 10 to 15 pills at once.  If you're keeping track at home, that was roughly about 100 to 150mgs in one sitting.  Yeah.  I would stay up for days!!  But I would be really fucking calm about it, and nothing bothered me.  I would sometimes lay on my bed and stare at my ceiling for hours.  I used to hallucinate the Little Mermaid flying around my room.  It was pretty chill.  Although, yes, one time I did pass out and I decided that that was the end of that.  Hoho... no more fucking around with pharmaceuticals for me!  Well... until I found ativan.  But for a good 10 years, I took that experience with me. 

So today.  Vitamin R.  All these little tweens today and fucking bite me.  While I am not proud of being a dumbass asshat and taking stupid risks with my own body, I am proud that I came out of it with a different view of things.  No.  I'm not on ritalin.  No one noticed when I went off of it.  People say that children "grow out" of ADD, but Im of the firm belief that I never had it.  Someone had to come up with a firm reason as to why I was stealing crap.  It couldnt have been that I was lonely living an hour away from my friends, or that I was bored after school.  It couldnt have been that I was just inquisitive and the whole thing probably would have faded away with time.  No.  It had to have a reason, becasue my parents didnt want to believe that it was me. 

ADD is a social construct.  It is a method by which parents can absolve themselves of any bad parenting (not the problem in my case, my parents were and still are loving thoughtful people), or any issues with the child that with work themselves out over time.  It is a way to make teachers happy because of today's overcrowded classrooms and frazzled nerves.  It is a way by which society molds kids into "well adjusted" pods in order to weed out the eccentric, the odd, the "maladjusted" trouble makers.  I'm happy to report that yes, I am pretty weird.  Yes, I do have a tattoo (and am in the works for another), black fingernails, dyed hair, and plaid shoes.  But hey... I'm a nice person!  I worked out my mental issues for myself, without the aid of friggin ritalin.  And I'm all the better for it (not to mention got some great stories!).  There are legitamate mental issues, and problems that need to be addressed in order to help a person reach their potential... but ADD?  Come on.  Give me a break.