"Well, Maybe I Wanna Be Sterile..." - Mark

For those of you not in tune with the "E. Records", this was said when one of the employees told Mark that his music caused sterility.  Of course, I dont want to be sterile... but the name fits with today's issues.

In about 8 and a half hours time I will be back in the doctor's office, going over all of my test results and we might find out then why I tend to kill babies while still in my womb.  I realize that this phrase has perturbed some of you, but thats what it is, and thats how I see it.  Its not so much a snipe at myself or my anatomical inability to protect a bundle of cells, but the quick and dirty truth.  I dont like flowing up a giant piece of shit.

So, we'll go and find out the details, and shortly thereafter I will be updating to let ya'lls know.  In the past few weeks since this crap has happened I've found alot of strength and power from ya'lls.  Its been nice to opine and bitch and know that you ladies knew the pain.  

I'm hoping for something along the lines of, "You clot too much, here's a pill."  But I know thats asking for a miracle.  So I'll take what I can get.  Which might not be anything at all.  And I'm fully prepared for nothing at all.  I've mentally prepared myself, as you guys know, for, "We dunno why you killed that baby.  We cant see a reason why you'll do it again, but with the odds in today's society... have fun with that."  I'm ready for that.  And ya know... I just want this whole nightmare to end.  And I am of the firm belief that as soon as I walk out of that office, the whole miscarriage saga can finally come to a close.  And I can get back to myself.  What a joy that would be.  I literally feel like in 8 hours and 20 minutes I will have the biggest weight off of my shoulders.  

That moment will feel wonderful.