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make sure its this one!!!

Show us two things that should never be together.

Condomlightbulb

I win.

Really... how long does it take to fill a bottle with 30 pills?  And why do you have to go to night school in order to fill a bottle with 30 pills?  I realize that in them olden days, pharmacists would actually do pretty hard work and create special combinations and be underpaid chemists (infact, thats what the brits call them... chemists).  But today's pharmacists just put pills in a fuggin bottle.  So why, I must ask, does it take 40 minutes to do that? 

I needa call Melissa today and see if I can convince her to see me either today, or after 5pm sometime next week... or next Friday.  Thems my options.  I'm feeling a bit better right now, but then again, I have a cold pack on my ass and I just took a horsepill of an ibuprophen.  I have a muscle relaxer with me, but last night it made me pass out, so I'm trying to hold out. 

I have no clue what I'm doing tomorrow.  My parents were supposed to have a kick ass shindig at their place, but it seems as though people are bailing.  And I mentioned going into the city to see the fireworks at the Washington Monument with M, but I doubt he'll be up to strength by then... and it takes a lot of strength to handle the waves of people who come to see the nation's capital light up.  I was then thinking, well... the Iwo Jima Memorial is a great location to see the f'works!  But its also a major hike.  So who knows.  Fairfax is gonna do something, but I want pics of the nation... not downtown Fairfax City.  Pff.

What to do... what to do.

Ladies and Gentlemen... we have a + OPK. 

Now lets get this party started!

(How many euphemisms can I throw in here?)

Now if only my hip and M's nausea would cooperate.  Then we could really look forward to this.  Mayhaps I should leave work early?  I think thats a good idea.  I've put in 7 hours... thats good enuff, right? 

As I write this, M is sitting out in the car trying to hold onto his cookies.  He was victim to some of the ills of a Wendy's burger at 2am.  Eat Right, Even Late my large dimpled ass.

So, over the weekend, I somehow popped my hip out of alignment... much like I have before.  This time I tried really hard to a) ignore it and b) convince myself that the pain will magically go away.  Its there, and it wont.  I realized last night, while sleeping, that I was in deep shit when the pain actually woke me up and made me sleep another way.  Today I called the doctor.  I have an appointment at 4pm so that I can get a script to see a PT... more specifically, to se Melissa down in Culpepper. 

Ahh Melissa... the only person in the world who can put both M and I back together.  I tracked her down in Feb, right before M hopped out of the tub, got dizzy, passed out, smashed his head against all sorts of crap in the tub, and had a seizure.  Not cool shit.

Anywhoo... I know where she is, and I will find her and she will put me back together. 

What caused my hip to pop out? 

Lets call it hormones... yeah.  You get my drift. 

Yeah... the old people's association.  I'm seeing that crap everywhere now.  Commercials left and right, and even a damn AARPmobile at the local Wegman's.  Last night I asked M, are old people just stupid due to age?  Or is it a generational thing?  We came to the conclusion that it's a generational thing.

The commercial which sparked the question was the one in which the old folks are urging you to call up and get the AARP supplemental medicare prescription card.  You should do this, even if you dont really need that card because the fine folks can explain to you how to work medicare.  Seriously... anyone who doesnt know how to deal with their old fuck benefits by now, a good 3 years after it all started, should be left on a mountain.  I realize that in the beginning there was alot of confusion, schedule D/schedule A crap.  It should have been made easier because, like I said, these are old people here... they need things simple.  But by now, you should know. 

Old people invented the internet, the computer, digital technology and (egads) medicare!  So why in the hell do they turn their noses up at change?  These same people who wrote and dreamed of the future flying cars and teleportation devices squeal in fear of an iPod.  Its ridiculous.

I admire old folks who actually try, like my parents or M's mom.  (The momentary anger associated with trying to explain for the 12th time that she's downloaded a virus from the fruitcake websites she goes to are pleasurable when compared to the constant phoning that would ensue if she needed to find out some information)  They are in touch with the rest of the world, and should do just fine with a few pats on the ass in the right direction.  But when it comes to 60+ year old folks?  Pulease.

I work with a few.  They use the computer because they absolutely have to, and would rather not have to.  If something goes wrong, even for the few minutes that they're not using the computer, they are immediately on the phone to desktop support.  I could fix it... if only to save my sanity after hearing them bitch for 2 hours about the crap technology of today, but its so much easier to just turn up the KoRn. 

There are people who are really not technologically inclined.  They're not old... they're just a) unlucky or b) stupid.  But they dont bitch about it.  They marvel at it.  Its cute, for the first 4 times. 

Anyway, back to what I'm bitching about... old people.  They cant drive, they cant hold their pee, they drool, and are barely able to hold a conversation without making complete fools of themselves.  Why?  These people are not supposed to be this old!  We are not supposed to survive to this age!  Sure, if you're of sound mental capacity, then you're supposed to still be alive... but the second that 98 year old people are dragged on through life all the while needing two nurses to bathe them, we are being selfish. 

Selfish! 

My ma has already said, repeatedly, emphatically, that she does not want to be kept on a ventilator or any other resusitative technology.  I'm the same way.  Dad has told me that he if gets one of those crippiling mental diseases like alzheimers he would like to be left in the woods somewhere in Washington State and lost to the wilderness.  He was probably kidding, but I get the drift.  I, myself, dont really want to see myself get to the age where I have to start getting those ass probes.  I probably will, and hopefully by then, there will be a less invasive way to checking out the butt pipes, but its a horribly embarresing procedure that should not have to be given.  I dont want it.  No thanks.

I dont want to get to an age where I am out of touch with the rest of the world, or where a 20 year old on the phone gets to swindle me out of my money for a medicare supplement plan that I wont need.  On one hand, I dont see any of that happening, because today's 20s and 30s folks dont want to end up like the people on TV.  They dont want to be that stupid and embarresing.  But on the other hand... alot of crap passes you by while you're trying to raise a family and keep the financial situations on the up and up.  I can see how things can get away from you. 

I dont really know how to end this post... I've been trying to for a while.  There is no solid ending or solution... and that pisses me off.  Its just a hope.  I hope I dont become something I am ashamed of when I get old. 

Its something that was a recurring phrase over at mah uncle's house.  M and I went on vacation to see some DMB (Zomg dont you just love him??)  and saw Hershey, PA and went swung up to kick it with my uncle.  I'm not supposed to say its his backyard... so I wont.  ;)  Majority of the pictures taken at the Hershey Gardens, the last few at mah uncle's. 

...I swear I'm done with this stupid bike crap.

Apparently, that dude actually dedicated a whole post to me!  A whole post where people can opine and bitch about how I'm a horrible human being and that I was speeding (I never said I was doing the speed limit, folks... must have taken a large magnifying glass to catch that!),  I also never said I was in the district... in fact, I gave the intersection in Maryland, and the top of the post is even called, "Maryland Sucks".  I've already answered the cute "You're burning money buying gas" crap.  What a horrible argument.  I buy gas because... wait for it... I have to.  You buy a bike because you want to.  Difference.  And dont give me that "I cant afford a car" crap.  The folks who cant aren't wearing the latest in lycra fashion.  So screw that one.  

It was said that I should learn restraint on the web.  Ha!  Thats cute.  Its a blog, folks.  This is what this is for.  My employers shoudnt find this site... well, I try to hide my identity.  I realize that I have linked the blog to my blogger account, however I did that specifically so that these folks would find it.  As soon as all this crap is over, I'll de link it.  In the meantime?  This is too much fun.  Also, I never mention my employer, or any of my coworkers by name.  Have fun pinning it on me. 

Another thing.  I'm not ignoring the speed limit if the ambient speed of traffic is 45.  I'd like to see a cop try to enforce 25 on that road.  If i'm getting my ass eaten by an SUV trying to get home, then I'm just as bad as those fucking bikers. 

And one final thing... dont ever mention my miscarriage in relation to a fucking bike blog again.  That shows a lack of decency the likes of which I cannot fathom.  I would make an analogy... but I cant bring together the correct words to describe just how rude and disgraceful that is.

More injury.  What a horrible human being.

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This is how I keep from going fucking insane.  I screw with retards.  If you want to join in, feel free here.