3 posts tagged “ultrasound”

After some pressuring from both M and Meta I have an appointment here for Friday.  I'm gettin a facial as well as my eyebrows done and an aromatherapy massage.  I also wanted a pedicure, but thats not something they do there.  This place is down in Old Town, so of course, no parking.  But its on Friday when M has his class and after it we'll hang out. 

Went to see the doctor today.  Bascially she thinks I just have bad luck and its nothing serious.  But to err on the side of caution, I'm, of course, being tested for

every

single

problem

in

the

book.

Today they took some blood for a genetic makeup of me and my husband, as well as some blood to see if all he HGC is all out of my body.  If so, I'll come back later this week to give s'more.  And after that, once I get my period I get some salt water injected into my hoochie and given an ultrasound.  Sounds fun.

Anyway, all of that should tell us something.  And after its all done, we go back to talk to her, decompress witih the info, and then get right back to tryin again.  Hopefully by the end of May and our vacation we'll be able to start again and do so during our relax session.  Anyway, that was today. 

Still not entirely happy.

So, I wrote that last entry 2 weeks ago.  At the ultrasound we heard a little heartbeat.  I cried.  It was beautiful.  

A week later I started bleeding, so we went to the hospital.  This was Sunday.  Doctors gave me another ultrasound and we heard a stronger heartbeat... and everything was as it was supposed to be.  So I went home, and on Monday, went to work.

On Monday I kept bleeding... and then Monday night, I started hemorraging.  Everywhere.  We went back to the hospital.  All was not as it was supposed to be.  I had another ultrasound.  No more baby.

I miscarried.  Again.  This time, however, it was much more graffic, and much more horrific.  At least the first time, I had hardly noticed I was pregnant.  This was different.

I have an appointment for a genetic counselor, who will try to pinpoint why I cant hold a baby. 

Yes, I am pretty devastated... and the only thing I can hold onto is that Peanut was measuring small... and that is a sign of a chromosonal abnormality.  Which means it wasnt entirely my fault.  But thats all I have to hold onto. 

So, here I am, back at work.  Listening to the loudest and most angry music I can find so that I can drown out the voices of my co-workers, who mean well, but who would just serve to make me cry.  We've been told not to try again until we get results back from the genetics people.  Who knows how long that will take.  In the meantime... all I can do is worry and wonder if I will ever bring a baby to term. 

Peanut 1

Feb 2008 - March 2008 

So tomorrow is the second ultra sound.  I'm scared.  One one hand, I want to make sure that everything is on the up and up with baby... and on the second.  I'm so scared that something will not go right, and my worst fears will be recognized. 

Oh one hand, I feel like I just know that this baby is strong and healthy.  And on the other, my mind wont let me accept that.  I dont know exactly why I have that duality right now... but its driving me insane. 

Of course, I am more than willing to concede that this fear and worryness is in fact brought on by that which I am afraid is over. 

I'm terrified guys.